


Bad Words

by PlayfulMay



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Texting, Texts From Last Night, bad words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 15:00:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13977561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlayfulMay/pseuds/PlayfulMay
Summary: When Henry comes home with a question, it opens an entirely new dialogue between his two mothers.





	Bad Words

 

"Mom, am I a pussy?"

Regina coughed out her coffee on the table, finally stabilizing her breathing as she looked up at her twelve-year-old son. Her eyes were wide and her mouth dropped open as she took in the sight of her little boy, blinking innocently at her. "H-Henry ...?" _Rein it in - he's just a child. Don't make a big deal out of this when he has no idea what he's just said._ “Where did you hear that word?”

“Jared and his friends were calling me that,” Henry said with a subtle squint that told Regina he was reading a little too carefully into her reaction.

“Jared Mason,” Regina stated more than asked, already standing from her seat when Henry called out to her, pleading her not to say anything to anybody. “Henry, their parents ought to know if they’re … calling you names. I won’t tolerate bullying.”

“Mom, please. They already tease me for-“

Regina’s glare of shock silenced Henry. “They tease you? Henry, for what?”

“Nothing,” he sighed, slouching which signified to Regina that he was not up for a lively conversation. So she walked over to his chair at the table and put her hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Honey, I just want you to be happy, and if you’re being teased, I can help.”

“It’s fine, it’s just something kids do, Mom. They don’t bug me all the time, but they call me that, and I just don’t know what that word means. Then when I asked Ma, she said to ask you.”

Regina stood a little straighter, taking a mental note to ream Emma out at the next possible opportunity, clearing her throat: “You … asked Miss Swan first?”

Henry shrugged a little: “I’m sure it’s a bad word, and I know you don’t like bad words.”

Regina crouched down next to her son and looked up into his innocent brown eyes. “Yes … it’s a bad word, Sweetheart. And the way those boys were saying it to you, that usually means that you’re not brave, but do you want to know something?”

Henry looked sideways at her, giving her his best half-smile. “Sure …”

“You’re the bravest little boy I know.”

After a big, long hug, Henry went up to his room to finish his homework. He was busy at work when he received a text from his other mother.

**Ma: hey kid, im afraid to watch that scary Halloween show alone. you in?**

**Henry: Does that make you a P word too?**

***

Regina was downstairs with a freshly brewed cup of coffee, enjoying it in peace at the table with a book in-hand when her phone started buzzing. Slightly irritated, Regina rolled her eyes and picked up to none other than her son’s other mother.

“Sheriff Swan, how nice of you to call at this late hour.”

Emma chuckled on the other end, stretching onto her couch on the other end of the phone, grinning from ear-to-ear. “Yeah, just thought I should uh … check in with you is all.”

Regina groaned, taking in a sip of coffee and holding the cup to her lips: “Yes, by all means irritate me at any time suiting your fancy.”

“So you … you told Henry what that bad word meant, huh?”

“Oh, yes, I’ve been meaning to yell at you for referring him to me.”

Emma snorted: “Yeah, I probably should have known that was a mistake. Should’a known you would be too soft about it and he wouldn’t understand.”

Regina frowned but said nothing, so Emma went on.

“He just asked me in a text if being afraid of a show made me a ‘P word’ too.”

Regina sat up so quickly in her seat, coffee spilt onto the table for the second time in thirty minutes, cursing under her breath.

“Yeah, teach him some new ones,” Emma started laughing.

“He … He wh- …. When did this … happen?” Regina balked, standing up so quickly that the chair moving across the floor could be heard over the phone.

“Hey, don’t kill him, Regina. _You_ are the one who never explained the actual meaning of the word …”

“Those other boys don’t know what it means either!” Regina snapped, rushing into the kitchen for a dish towel and then back out to the dining room to clean up her mess. “I’m not going to scar the boy for hearing something he shouldn’t have heard.”

“Do … _you_ know what it means?”

Regina rolled her eyes at the tease: “Do you think I was born yesterday?”

“Why don’t you uh … tell me? What it means.”

Regina muttered other obscenities under her breath before heading back to the kitchen sink and twisting out the coffee-soaked dish towel. “Fine. _Vagina_. Are you pleased with yourself now?”

“Ooh, I’m surprised,” Emma chuckled in a somewhat dirty fashion, enjoying Regina’s discomfort. “How about … a boner?”

Regina scoffed: “Oh my god, can you give this a rest? I’m not going to repeat any of this or explain them with my son in the house!”

“I’ll text you.”

And with that, Regina found herself hung up on. Frustrated beyond belief, she stared down at her phone as it lit up with receipt of a text message.

**E Swan: cockblocker??**

**RM: You’re disgusting.**

**E Swan: okay sorry :)**

It was another ten minutes before Regina felt her phone vibrate with another text.

**E Swan: oooh i bet i can find one you don’t know!**

**RM: Go to sleep, Miss Swan.**

**E Swan: YOLO?**

**RM: You will only live one very short life if you keep irritating me tonight.**

**E Swan: omg you know a lot of them … hold on**

**RM: Can you not read what I’m saying? Go away.**

**E Swan: butterface?**

**RM: I don’t want to know that one. I’m going to sleep now.**

**E Swan: hahahahahha super attractive but-her-face hahaha**

Regina squinted at her screen and clucked in disapproval before typing back.

**RM: If that is meant to be a cheap shot at me, it is not appreciated.**

**E Swan: OMG no no no, you’re definitely a femme top**

**RM: Oh dear lord. Look, just put down your phone and bother someone else with these gross swear words.**

**E Swan: hey i just complimented you.**

**RM: You most certainly did not.**

**E Swan: fine, fine. But I meant it as a compliment. im sorry about henry. i’m just glad you told henry about that word today. you know me, I would’ve said something like ‘that means a woman’s v’jay, kid’ or something**

**RM: Oh god, you’re such a child. Yes, please never explain words to him.**

**E Swan: yeah I guess you know them all anyway, huh?**

**RM: I plead the fifth. Now do us both a favor and leave me alone, Miss Swan.**

It was another hour before Regina received another text.

**E Swan: yes ultra milf ;)**

**RM: DID YOU JUST CALL ME A MOTHER YOU’D LIKE TO F*???**

**E Swan: yeah but only the best quality ……**

*******

The next day, Emma was out with Ruby and Belle at Granny’s when Regina came walking in to order her coffee. The composed mayor was slipping off her gloves when Ruby suggested Emma go talk to Regina because the brunette was all alone.

When Emma approached closely, however, Regina’s eyes widened in shock and she drew back only to sincerely slap one blonde, newly-flushed sheriff.

“That’s for last night.”

And then Regina set down her money on the counter, grabbed her coffee, her gloves in-hand, and left.

Emma was still rubbing her cheek in confusion when she walked back to the booth, frowning at a hysterically laughing Ruby and a very confused Belle.

“Yeah … you wanna share what the hell was so funny about that?” Emma asked, scooting back into the booth with a red cheek.

When Ruby’s laughter finally died down, she asked for Emma’s phone and went directly to the texts Regina had received the night before. When Emma scrolled through them, her eyes went wide with disbelief. “RUBY! … You texted Regina as me last night?!”

“What is a sleepover without a little fun?” Ruby chuckled. “Once you left it so lamely at ‘okay sorry’ I had to do something! Besides … doesn’t everyone think she’s a milf?”

Belle snorted and Emma scurried back out of the booth. “Oh my god, I’ve gotta catch up to her and tell what happened! I’m gonna kill you for this, Rubes!”

Belle and Ruby watched Emma take off, forgetting her phone at the booth in her haste.

“Don’t you dare,” Belle smirked, sipping her own latte while Ruby grinned at the device.

***

“Madam Mayor! It wasn’t me!” Emma called out, running at full speed to catch a miffed Regina just as the woman approached her car half a block down from Granny’s. “R’gina! Wait!”

Regina turned around angrily, receiving yet another buzz in her purse as Emma jogged over. “Make this quick, Miss Swan. I have a busy day today and no time for disgusting come-ons.”

“No no, it was Ruby. She texted you on my phone once I was asleep last night. I just checked my cell when she told me what she did.” At the curious, questioning glance Regina tossed her way, Emma clarified: “She and Granny had a fight so she stayed over with me, and … I guess Ruby thought it would be funny to bug you as me. I’m sorry. I’ll hide my phone from her next time.”

“So … I just slapped you for nothing?”

Emma could see Regina’s partial guilt and smiled, actually admiring the woman for standing up for herself in such an unforgiving way. “Hey, it’s totally fine. If I _had_ been that crass to you, calling you that … I would have deserved it.”

“Yes, but you didn’t. Now I don’t know what to do.”

When they heard Regina’s phone buzz twice in a row then, Emma patted her jean pockets and groaned: “Shit, I might deserve it after all. I think I forgot my phone at the booth when I ran after you. I’m sorry in advance for whatever Ruby’s saying to you!”

Regina arched a perfect brow and pulled her phone out, reading the texts.

“So … she’s out of her mind, is she?” Regina all but smirked as her eyes skimmed the screen.

“ _Totally_! Yeah, I’m sorry. I’ll keep a better eye on my phone.”

Regina looked to soften then, staring down at her phone as another text came through, finally looking up at Emma. And then, the unthinkable happened. Regina closed the space between them and leaned in to Emma’s cheek, gently kissing the spot she’d slapped just minutes before, drawing back to a look of complete shock on Emma’s face.

“Wh … what the hell was that?”

“Language, Miss Swan. And … check your phone. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to head to my office. You should … come over for dinner tonight.”

“O … kay,” Emma choked out, watching Regina take off down the road.

Once Emma walked herself back into the diner, she was touching the slapped-then-kissed cheek with confusion and incredulity. When she finally reached the booth with her friends seated next to one another, she sat with them and blinked up at Ruby. “What the hell did you text her now?”

“She didn’t slap you again, did she?”

Emma didn’t answer, but grabbed her phone back to read the texted messages:

**Me: Emma is totally in love with you – if you can’t see that with the way she runs after you like a lost puppy then maybe you’re just as clueless as she is!**

**Me: look I can see you two out there. you might as well be banging each other in the middle of the street for all the mushy eye sex you two do.**

**Me: ughhh you’re both hopeless. you bunch of pussies.**

**Me: unless you kiss her at some point before we all die of old age i give up.**

**Regina: That was my doing, not yours, Miss Lucas. And in fair warning, you have a slap coming YOUR way, too.**

Emma sat open-mouthed, reading and re-reading the texts. Ruby told Regina Emma loved her? But Emma didn’t love Regina … not that way! No … did she?

“You can thank me later,” Ruby chuckled, slipping out of the booth and elbowing her friend’s shoulder before leaning in and chuckling “Just quit making me call you names and actually do something about it, _pussy_!”

Emma was still staring at her phone when Ruby and left, and it was Emma and Belle sitting alone.

Belle was sipping on her latte with a deep frown when she asked the stunned woman across from her in absolute oblivious fashion: “What’s a ‘pussy’?”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment with your thoughts - accepting requests!  
> Possibly doing another Trina story soon.


End file.
